Untitled.

I am not so good with spoken words. And therefore I have always wanted to write and share whatever came into my mind and I have done so on many occassions. But I have also written so many stuff that never made it to the screens because I was worried about what people would say or even think. My family, my friends, my teachers, friends of friends and even random people who might stumble upon my writings.
And even now I am not sure about how this will make people react. But earlier today I realised that it shouldn't matter anymore which is stupid because I knew this all along. I just let it get in the way of what I wanted to do. And the worst part is I know that I will end up doing the same thing in the future as well if I don't change.
I have failed miserably at maintaining this blog because I have been very inconsistent. And I have been inconsistent because I let such things get to me. So this year I am trying my best to get rid of this inconsistency by doing this thing called the project365 on Instagram where I post a haiku each day. If I can write down three lines everyday then I can develop the habit of writing everyday or so I thought.
It's been 45 days into this self-imposed challenge meaning I have posted 45 haikus of which a few are not mine and a few are from my older posts pre-project. And each time I reposted I put a note that said "mind block" which is actually not entirely true. I write a few haikus everyday. It's just that most of them are things that may raise some eyebrows; personal stuff and opinions on things that may lead people to judge or misjudge me.
But as I pondered my brain today to come up with an audience friendly, neutral haiku I couldn't help myself but write this:
      "I still remember
       The Fourteenth of February
       And the time we spent"

I have a very fond memory of this day from two years ago when I was in college. But that relationship or whatever one chooses to call it is over now and I have long since moved on with my life, admittedly with a lot of difficulty. And as I typed in the lines on my phone I thought to myself, "Dude, you are supposed to have moved on. People might think that you are still not over her." (And yes, I call myself "dude" when I think to myself and even "bro" sometimes). But then again I also thought that moving on doesn't mean forget everything and starting fresh. To be honest I don't know what moving on means exactly but I do know that my past doesn't bother me anymore and I can now look back and say I had a great time and made a lot of good memories in that short period. And today's was just one of those wonderful memories.
I ended up arguing with myself for about five mintues about this and finally made up my mind (thank god!), to not let such trivial things bother me for the greater good of myself.
I want to be a writer someday but I let such things like what people may think bother me. I do want my readers to think, talk, and speculate, but about my writings not me.
So for the good of myself and my readers I pray and hope that god blesses me with the strength to push away all the obstacles in my path and inspire me enough to keep moving even if by an inch everyday. It's as they say, "shake shake god shake, in the end I shake". ( :-P)