Thursday, 18 June 2015

A Final Letter


I hope everything is good where you are. I am kind of doing good too, you know, like always..... tik tik chi ra. It’s just like how it was back then, I want to tell you a lot of things but I don’t know how and where to start.
There is no denying that I still miss you. I still dream about you and it helps sometimes, especially when I am feeling low. In the last one, I dreamt that we were back in school and there was some kind of function going on. And I was just stalking you, avoiding direct eye contact. It felt real, because even in my dream I couldn't gather up the courage to talk to you or even walk up to you. And then suddenly you walked up to me and asked me to pass you the glass (which magically appeared) behind me. I obliged. Then we started talking about stuff and somehow ended up fixing a date of some sort. And then suddenly, like in a movie, we fast-forwarded into the near future. We were walking near your house, holding hands (I even tried my hand on a little poetry about that moment). Then we came to a halt, you turned to me and told me that you’d soon have to leave. I fell on my knees, not knowing how to react.
I woke up and I still didn't know how to react. I was happy at first. At least my love story moved forward, even if it was just a dream and short lived. And then I suddenly broke down. Now I realize that maybe even if things had turned out like in my dream, in the end nothing can change fate. I don’t know if it was some divine power or just my mind telling me that there was nothing I could do to change what was already written. And that it was time for me to move on and stop dwelling in the past.
Whenever someone asks me what my biggest regret in life is, I say it’s not having been brave enough to even talk to you, let alone sharing my feelings for you up-front. But now having given it a lot of thought I think I’m leaning towards not being able to move on from what happened.
But this doesn't mean that I am going to forget everything. How can I ever forget everything, they will always be a part of me. Moving on doesn't mean that I have to erase all your memories, delete all photos or stop thinking of you. Moving on means that I won’t feel any regret when something comes up that reminds me of you.
I am running out of words now so I guess it’s time to say goodbye. I want to thank you for all the memories. And I am sorry for holding on to you for so long. I never realized that me regretting and thinking of you constantly and talking to an imaginary you, making promises, asking you to come in my dreams might not help your soul to rest in peace. But today is your day, so I guess I will pour out my heart this one last time for you.
So this is my final farewell. It was nice knowing you and falling head over heels for you.  But everything comes to an end eventually, and we have to accept it. Good-bye my dear friend.