Hypocrisy

According to the dictionary on my phone, hypocrisy is the claim or pretence of having beliefs, standards, qualities, behaviours, virtues, motivations, etc. which one does not actually have. And a hypocrite is someone who practices hypocrisy. Now from my 20 years’ experience I think I can safely say that everyone of us is a hypocrite; we all claim to be something when in actuality we are not. But it’s all about levels and whether one accepts this fact or not.

I am a hypocrite, which I am not proud of but I guess it’s all natural. I would say that my level is somewhere around 3-5 on a scale of 10, 10 being the highest. This might seem like I am blowing my own trumpet but it’s nothing like that. Here is why:

Whenever I talk or write about anything, I choose my words very carefully and most of the time it’s the honest truth. I don’t go about pretending to believe or doing things I sincerely don’t believe in. For instance; I really hate it when people don’t close the doors behind them when they enter or exit my room and I try my best not to do the same unless they say they want it open. It really irritates me when people make sounds while chewing food (maybe it’s because of my big ears) and I try my level best not to do it myself. I always make it a point not to litter simply because even if I can’t influence others not to litter, I’ll be doing my part. I don’t mean to say that all these are natural to me. It has taken a lot of practice over the years choosing the right words and doing what I say. At this point it looks like I am trying to push myself out of my own scale but don’t worry I still consider myself to be around 3-5. In a few lines you’ll find me right back on the scale.

 While blogging, I sometimes tell myself that it’s okay if not many people like or even read what I write. But the truth is I do care about these things. I want people to read and like my writings, that is why I share every post on Facebook after I am done (obviously, right?).  

Sometimes when I chat with my friends face to face or through the social sites and they tell me about their problems like feeling lonely, misunderstandings, etc. I find myself giving them a lot of advices on fighting through with their feelings and facing their problems. But at the same time I also have the same problems and I find it difficult to face them even though I am always yapping about the solutions to my friends. I tell them not feel lonely because someone will always be there if not me, but when I feel lonely I start doubting my own words.

I can write a very long essay or talk about the perks of being single, how it rocks and why it’s not necessary to be in a relationship but deep down I know that I want to be in one to be able to share a part or the rest of my life with. I get a little bit jealous of my friends who are in relationships and especially those who have been together for so long and are still going strong and seem to have found the Mr. or Mrs. Right. (This paragraph makes me look a little desperate, doesn’t it?)

I remember one time in school when we were asked what we thought the purpose of life was, I said that it was to attain enlightenment and even if we can’t attain enlightenment in one lifetime, each lifetime is an opportunity to move a step closer towards our ultimate goal. But look at me now; I still have desires and attachments, I still get angry and jealous, I say harsh things to people, I lie, I eat meat, and only pray when exams are near. I have ego and pride.

Right back on the scale, aren’t I? Some people might even put me on a higher level after reading this.